Centred Content
Dear Joanna
I have been working on a challenging project as a customer service associate with a team of very different personalities. There is a lot of tension and disagreements at our team meetings. I discussed ways to handle this in a calm and kind manner with my Reena job coach. So far, I have not participated in these meetings for fear of offending others or causing a fight. How can I best present my thoughts and opinions in this type of situation at work?
Signed: Fearful Participation (FP)
Dear FP
Based on my own experiences as a job coach as well as Accad’s blog https://www.kornferry.com/insights/this-week-in-leadership/5-ways-to-disagree-respectfully-at-work offers the following five (5) great tips on how to voice an opinion or idea at work – especially at these meetings – in a respectful way that others will listen and you will feel a part of the team. The blogger emphasizes that this is not an easy thing to do especially if the other parties are being aggressive. Accad adds that work disagreements are good for business and often can lead to innovative solutions..
- Avoid being toxic. Keep an eye, and ear, out for John and Julie Gottman’s ‘Four Horsemen’ of toxic communication: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. As defined by the Gottman Institute, criticism is verbally attacking someone’s personality or character. Defensiveness is acting like a victim and reversing the blame. Stonewalling is withdrawing and expressing disapproval, often via facial expressions and body language.
- Listen with an open mind. Watch for the other person’s verbal and nonverbal cues and repeat what you just heard to confirm your understanding. Then dig deeper into their opinion. While you listen and ask curious questions, manage your own assumptions and preconceived notions about that person. This requires a high level of self-awareness and can be particularly difficult when emotions are running high. But the more you can aim for objectivity, the smoother communication will go.
- Think, ‘Yes, and…’ when disagreeing. Voicing your opinion even if it’s a disagreement can lead to everyone talking over each other in a competition to win the conversation. When you speak up, keep in mind that you can’t force others to think like you. Express your thoughts while being mindful of your choice of words. “If possible, use ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ when adding your disagreement statement,” Accad says. “The word ‘but’ negates everything said before it and shuts people down. ‘And’ is an inclusive word and makes it more likely that people will hear you out.”
- Don’t ignore the elephant in the room. So much time is wasted in business meetings because groups—just because they’re afraid to rock the boat—often go along with somebody’s bad or low-priority idea. However, speaking up in a respectful way can save the team and organization wasted time, money, and effort. Naming challenging things and letting everyone feel free to say what’s on their mind is liberating and empowering for the team. It’s also the responsibility of all team members to be active followers and hold themselves and their peers accountable.
- Prepare your script. If you can do this before the meeting, especially if you know the agenda, work with your job coach to prepare the content of what you wish to communicate to the team at the meeting. For example, if you have an idea of how to solve a problem that you have experienced on the job, then write it up and practice it with your coach. Be ready to “present” your opinions and/or ideas at the next meeting with ease and confidence.
To submit your challenges, concerns, questions and comments regarding this column and/or your job search IN CONFIDENCE, please email Joanna Samuels, Employment Resource Supervisor, Reena – jsamuels@reena.org